Why Do I Keep On Living?
by Angelchan2012
Summary: Ichigo's had something traumatic happen to him last year. Starting a new school isn't fun, especially with kids talking about you. Can Grimmjow help heal him of his pain? Will that past come back for Ichi? Yaoi, MxM, language, dark themes, possible rape
1. Chapter 1

**Angelchan2012: **Okay bunnies! *claps hands together* Here's another one of my lovely tails of romance, drama, tragedy and more!

**Grimm: ***rolls eyes, and crosses arms muttering* overly dramatic teenager…

**Ichi: **C'mon Grimm, be nice! Besides, this sounds interesting!

**Shiro: **I agree wit Berry on tha!

**Angelchan2012: **Good, now say the phrase cuz I think you guys are gonna like this story!

**GrimmIchiShiro: **Please read and review! Angel doesn't own Bleach or its characters!

**Angelchan2012: **Please enjoy! *bows* Oh! I also don't own Three Days Grace or any other kick ass band and their song(s) mentioned in this story!

That night was the worst night of his life…His family was taken right in front of him, and he couldn't stop the people who did it. He never got much sleep because of the nightmares, also wearing a constant scowl on his face. He didn't really try to make friends at his new school, he was too afraid to get close to anyone anymore so he just shut down. It was as if he died and all that remained was the fragile shell of a teenager. He was a 5'9", 18 year old boy with orange hair and deep chocolate brown eyes. His name: Ichigo Kurosaki.

Kurosaki walked down the hall to the principal's office so he could get his school schedule, listening to a song on his iPod; Never Too Late by Three Days Grace. Along the way he heard whispers of, "Hey isn't that-?" "Ya, heard his whole family was murdered…" "Said in the papers they never caught the ones that did it." "I bet he cuts himself" "Ya, look at him-he's gotta be a freak; his hair says it all…" The red headed teen just sighed quietly and entered the office, wondering why he doesn't just drop out and kill himself.

Upon entering the office, he was met with a man in a green and white striped shirt and hat, a fan blocking his face, only revealing his eyes. The man chuckled and said, "Please, have a seat, Kurosaki-san." The teen sat down, his brow rising in question. "I'm Kisuke Urahara, the principal of this high school! Here's your schedule," he said, handing the teen a small slip of paper, "Hope you have a good year here and make tons of friends!" The red head nodded, quietly rising and leaving the room to go to his first class.

Once outside the room the teen scoffed, _'have a good year and make tons of friends' my ass…I'm not the most social guy in the world_. He looked down at his schedule to see that his first class was physics. _Great, _the berry thought, _another teacher to harass me about whether or not my hair's naturally this color…fuck my life, oh wait-my life's fucked up enough already…_ Just as he was lost in self hatred, he ran into a hard surface, the result: landing flat on his ass.

"Hey! Watch where yer goin' dumb-oh, hey yer the new kid aren't ya?" a velvety voice said, causing the teen to look up to the owner of said voice. What he saw was no kid, but a man-no, a sex god! He had to be at least 6'2", with shocking electric blue hair, muscular frame and blue tattoos under his eyes, giving him a feral look that only made him sexier-if possible. The blunette then lent a hand out for the boy to grab, but said teen just shook his head and stood up, dusting himself off. "Sorry 'bout that, shoulda paid attention to where I was walking…anyway, the name's Grimmjow Jeagerjaques." The blunette-Grimmjow, introduced smirking. "Ichigo Kurosaki," the red head replied simply, not even bothering to fake a smile-he just didn't want to live anymore and with God tormenting him by having the incident, then revealing the blunette-his life just wasn't fair.

Grimmjow quickly lost his smirk for a look of confusion; _most people at least act happy when meetin' others…what's up with him…? Oh shit-this kid's the one that was all over the news last year!_ While he was lost in realization, he didn't see the red head turn around and leave to his first class period.

The week hadn't gone by quick enough for the berry, he didn't like the school and didn't appreciate how the students kept questioning him about what happened last year. He walked home silently, his head hanging while listening to another song-I Hate Everything About You. Ya, you could say he's emo. Yes he cuts himself, yes he doesn't show emotions, and yes he cries himself to sleep at night, the whole shebang! But he had a decent reason to do all of that; he lost so many people that were important to him, all because some jackasses thought it would be fun to break into another's home and kill the family. Why he was the only one left alive, the teen didn't know.

When he got to his apartment, he went to his room and pulled out the small silver switchblade his father had given him on **that **day. He flipped the blade open and let it slide across his skin, relaxing at the feeling of the red liquid flowing off his wrists. Silent tears fell from his face, mixing with the small puddle forming on the floor. Of course he never cut too deep, why, he didn't know-he always had thoughts of suicide on his mind but I guess when it came down to carrying that plan out, he couldn't. There was always one thought that swam through his mind, _Why do I keep on living?_

Grimmjow was at home, researching about Kurosaki online. He clicked on the news letter and started reading. What he found completely disturbed him…

**Angelchan2012: **Yes, ya'll find out more details about Ichigo's traumatic event in the next chapter! Tha's why this one's so short! First it will be told from Grimm's POV, then Ichi's dream POV! So please look out for that!

**Grimm: **O.O holy shit! Berry's life is fucked up!

**Ichi: ***rolls eyes while using sarcastic voice* Thanks Grimm, that makes me feel sooo much better!

**Grimm: **Sorry Ichi *hugs Ichi*

**Shiro: **Hey am I gonna be in this story?

**Angelchan2012: **Yup! I'm gonna use a lot more people in this story! Hopefully…

**GrimmIchiShiro: **Please review and look out for the next chapter!

**Angelchan2012: **Oh ya! I also want-no **need** yer help again! I'mma have another pole up on my bio and I need ya'll to decide what story I'mma work on after this one's done! So please vote so I can make up my mind!


	2. Chapter 2

**Angelchan2012: **Okay, here's chapter 2! But I want ya'll to know that if you don't like what yer 'bout ta read, then don't read it and wait till the next chappy! Okay, wit tha said, say the phrase guys!

**GrimmIchiShiro: **Please read and review! Angel doesn't own Bleach, its characters or any songs/bands mentioned here!

Grimmjow's eyes widened in shock at what he read.

_**Karakura Express News**_

_Thursday, July 7__th__, the Kurosaki household was found brutally murdered. The only remaining survivor one Ichigo Kurosaki. He estimated that around 10pm there were three intruders who kept him hostage while he was forced to witness his family's death. It was said that he was forced to watch his two younger sisters being raped. His father receiving a bullet to the head. When the intruders had finished, it was said that the poor boy was then also raped and left in the pools of the blood of his family. No suspects have been taken into custody. Kurosaki was taken to a nearby hospital once a friend of the family-who will not be mentioned at this time-discovered the crime scene. He was treated with scaring and internal bleeding. No other wound was found on the boy._

The blunette sat back in his chair; eyes the size of saucers while his brain tried to comprehend everything he just read. _Oh my god…for someone to go through something like that…and then to __**live**__ through it…poor Ichigo… _

Meanwhile said teen was sleeping; albeit unhappily. He was having **that **dream again. It always started out great, but got worse towards the end.

"_Happy Birthday Ichi-nii!" the twins-Karin and Yuzu-shouted, producing two boxes and handing them to the teen. "Thanks girls, really, but you didn't-" Ichigo said before being interrupted by his old man. "Don't start with that my son! It's your birthday! You deserve it!" Isshin proclaimed, eyes sparkling with youthfulness. Ichigo rolled his eyes, smirking as he unwrapped the gift. Inside was a small silver necklace, in the shape of a heart. When he opened the small locket one side revealed the picture of his mother-who died eight years ago-while the other side showed a small picture of baby Yuzu, and Karin, being carried by goat-face. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes and looked up at the younger of the twins. "Thanks Yuzu," Ichigo whispered, smiling. "You're welcome Ichi-nii, happy birthday!" the young strawberry blonde said, giving her big brother a hug. _

_Ichigo then took the box that Karin was holding and opened it. Inside were some clothes that the teen liked. He thanked Karin getting a 'hnn' followed by a hug. He smiled at how she was always so serious but still had that child-like manner sometimes. The last gift he received was from his old man. "Here you go son, happy birthday," Isshin said smiling. When Ichigo saw the shape of the box he wondered what it could be. The box was just a long rectangle wrapped in black and red wrapping paper. When he opened the gift, Ichigo looked at his father wide eyed, "Y-you're giving me a katana?" Isshin smiled, walked over to his son and gave him a tight hug, whispering, "Your mother and I ordered it a long time ago, just for you, I bet she would have been so happy to see the look on your face when you got it." _

_Ichigo smiled, he always knew his mom thought ahead of time, so knowing that both her and his father got this made it all the more special. The sword was beautiful. It was a slender black blade lined with a silver edge. The words 'One Guardian' engraved onto it. Ichigo felt tears in his eyes; he looked up to his father and said, "Thank you, so much, dad." Goat-face just smiled warmly and said, "You're welcome…you know, your mother would be so proud of you…" _

_By the time everyone went to bed, it was 9 o' clock, but no one knew that an hour later, hell would start. Suddenly there was a loud 'bang!' at the door; Ichigo and Isshin being the first ones up to investigate. When they got downstairs, they met three men, all of whom looked to be in their mid twenties. One of them had silver hair, slitted eyes and a sick smile on his face. The second man had dark skin, wearing glasses and strange décor in his hair. The third man-what Isshin and Ichigo assumed to be the leader-had brown hair and eyes while wearing a smile that could put fear into the bravest man in the world. "Well well…" the silver haired one said, "what er we gonna do wit these two Aizen-sama?" The brunette-Aizen smiled and uttered two words "Kill them."_

_Everything went to hell from there._

_The fox like man quickly ran past Ichigo and towards the stairs. The red head tried to stop him, only to receive a blade in his shoulder. Crying out in pain, Ichigo fell to the floor, clutching his shoulder. The darker toned man quickly revealed his weapon and fired, the bullet whizzing past Ichigo and embedding itself in his father's forehead. Isshin fell instantly, blood pooling around his corpse. Ichigo sat on the floor, eyes wide as he saw his father's blood flow from the corpse. He was brought back to reality by the sound of his sisters' screaming. _

_He dashed up the stairs and rammed his body to the locked door of their room-ignoring the pain in his arm. "Let me in! Karin! Yuzu!" he shouted, continuing to break the door down. Once it finally gave way, he was met with the horror of his sisters being taken by the white haired male. When he tried to step forward and stop him, Ichigo felt his arms being forced behind his back. He looked up only to be greeted by the brunette. Aizen looked down upon the boy and smiled. He was a sick bastard! Him and his cronies, killing an innocent family for pleasure. Aizen forced Ichigo to watch the horrible scene being played out. He was crying, muttering, "Karin…Yuzu…please forgive me…" Just then he looked up to see the silver haired man slitting their throats open. The girls' screams turned into gurgling noises and soon, silence._

_Ichigo glared at the man who killed his sisters, hoping that he would somehow combust from the glare. Just then, Aizen said, "Come, Gin…we still have one more toy to play with." Gin just smiled brightly and said, "Sure thing Aizen!" Gin then dragged Ichigo down the stairs, Aizen bringing his sisters' corpses. The brunette gracelessly dumped the bodies on top of Isshin's, creating a pile. Ichigo growled at this and shouted, "Why the hell are you doing this? What the fuck do you people want?" This action earned the red head a knee to his gut from the black haired male. "Don't yell," he said, "we don't want people to hear you." "Straight to the point, huh, Tousen?" Gin chuckled, tying the berry's wrists together. Tousen then stepped forward and said, "Aizen-sama, I shall have the car ready, but please, hurry…both of you." Aizen and Gin looked at the man and nodded. Aizen tore the boy's clothes off in a heartbeat, Gin's smile widening. "We're gonna have fun wit this you," Gin said, facing Ichigo. _

_Both men then removed their pants-boxers included-showing their hardened members. Ichigo looked at them horrified. Aizen then picked up the boy and placed him on top of the pile of corpses and sheathed himself inside the berry, quickly followed by Gin. Ichigo screamed in pain, fear and sorrow-he felt so humiliated and powerless. He couldn't even protect his family and now had to endure two men stealing his virginity. They pounded into the youth, enjoying the screams and blood seeping from the boy. After they finished off inside him, Aizen removed himself and said, "Gin, finish him." The grin that spread across the fox's face would make any man cry. The silver haired male extracted himself from the boy and whispered into his ear, "Don' worry, I'll finish ya nice and slow, 'kay?" _

_Ichigo saw the blade that the kitsune held and felt screamed as he felt it slide across his skin. Just as he was fading into the darkness, he heard Gin say, "If ya live through this, we might come back and see ya." The only thing left was the distant laughter of the demons._

Ichigo bolted upright in his bead, a cold sweat along his face and body, panting. A shaking hand reached for the locket around his neck. He was still shaking when he went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. _Still haven't been able to get over it_, he thought, opening the bottle to his sleeping pills and swallowing one. _Hopefully that'll help, cuz God knows nothing else will_, Ichigo thought bitterly. His whole life had been taken from him-he couldn't even be considered a child-with the events that happened to him, he could have been a retired 60 year old army officer. The teen walked back to his room and lay on his bed, hoping that he could at least have a dreamless sleep.

**Angelchan2012: **Yes I'm an evil, evil bunny for writing something like this but I don't care! I'm in charge, and what I say goes!

**Ichi: **O.O

**Shiro: **Oh my god…

**Grimm: **I know…

**Ichi: **All this happened on my 17th birthday? That…that's…that's horrible!

**Grimm: **It's okay Ichi, Shh… *cradles Ichi*

**Shiro: **Yer a sick person Angel…but I'm so proud! *glomps Angel*

**Angelchan2012: **I know, I know…now say the phrase so the bunnies can find out what's gonna happen in the next chapter!

**GrimmIchiShiro: **Please review and watch out for the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Angelchan2012: **Okay, my lovely bunnies! Here's chapter 3! Enjoy *bows*

**GrimmIchiShiro:** Please read and review! Angel doesn't own Bleach or its characters, or any bands/songs mentioned!

When Ichigo went to school the next day it was the same routine: go to class, ignore stupid students picking on you, do your work, and go home. He was grateful that nothing happened in school-he usually fought with students that made comments about his family-but no one said anything today. _I guess they learned their lessons the first week of school_, Ichigo thought dryly, remembering how he fought with five guys because of the comments they made towards his mother.

Grimmjow saw the berry walking home and decided to try and talk with him. He calmly approached the kid and tapped the back of his shoulder to get his attention. When Ichigo turned around and saw who it was, he scowled and said bitterly, "What do you want?" Grimmjow smirked and said, "Well, I would like to get ta get to know ya, since we have the same schedule…and also, I wanted to ask if you wanna go to the movies or somethin' this weekend?" "Look," Ichigo answered, "you shouldn't get to know me, let alone hang around me…just go away…please…I don't want to see more people getting hurt because of me…"

Hearing that made Grimmjow freeze, before he calmly said, "I already know what happened, I-" "NO YOU DON'T!" Ichigo interrupted, "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME...no one knows the pain I went through that day…so please…just leave me alone…" The blunette gently lifted the boy's chin to face him, "I won't leave ya alone…I wanna help you, so please…let me." Ichigo could feel the familiar stinging in his eyes and shook his head, "I can't afford to get close to anyone anymore…I'm sorry!" he dashed away, leaving behind a confused Grimmjow.

_Damn, _Grimm thought, _I shoulda used a different approach...but I will make that Strawberry mine, and I will help him!_ The blunette sighed and walked home, strategizing on how to get the berry fall for him. He hated how the boy always wore a scowl on his beautiful face and how he never used that sexy voice of his. Grimmjow was going to try to get the berry, even if it killed him.

As soon as Ichigo got home, he ran to his room and pulled out the small blade from his pocket, guiding it across his skin. He slowly felt better feeling the crimson liquid fall from the cuts. After some time he cleaned up and went to the kitchen to eat. He hardly ever ate anymore, so his meal was an apple. The teen went back to his room and did his homework, once completed he faced his bed-eyes darting to the katana he got **that** day. He kept the sword, as well as the locket, as a reminder of his family. Tears slowly made their way down his face as he recalled the happiness of his childhood. He fell asleep curled in on himself, tear stained and a scowl on his face.

Grimmjow straightened up in his seat when he saw the berry walk into the classroom. His eyes widened slightly-didn't want everyone to see his reaction-when he saw the condition the red head was in: Ichigo had bags under his eyes, his face pale and his eyes void of life. When the berry sat down next to the blunette said blunette continued to stare. Ichigo noticed this and whispered, "Take a picture…it'll last longer." "Asshole," Grimm muttered, "just wondering what the fuck's wrong wit ya." Ichi sighed and grumbled, "Nothing's wrong, now leave me alone…I don't want other people worrying about me." "I think when someone looks as bad as you do people have a reason to worry." The blunette retorted, crossing his arms over his chest in annoyance. "Then stop trying to get to know me, people always get hurt because of me." Ichigo said sadly. Just then the bell rang and Ichigo was the first one out the door.

The rest of the day went on pretty bad-Ichigo refused to acknowledge Grimmjow, even when the blunette was talking to him. During lunch was when it happened. Renji, one of the worst students at the school, went up to the red head that was sitting underneath a tree and said, "Aww, poor baby, got no family to take care of him. What a shame, you shoulda died but no-just took it up the ass and watched yer family get killed. And ya know what-I bet you liked it too, you sick fuck." At this point, Renji spat in Ichigo's face and kicked him in the gut. "Worthless piece of shit," Renji scoffed, "a filthy slut, just like your mother."

Ichigo's eyes widened, and then narrowed into slits. He stood up and growled, "Don't you ever say things like that." Renji laughed and said, "Say things like what? That your family's nothing but a bunch of sluts that got killed for what they were? That you're just a little bitch for some guy and his friends?" Grimmjow-as well as other students-could see the anger emitting from the boy in waves and stepped back. Ichigo punched the boy square in the jaw and kicked him in the groin. When the boy fell Ichigo continued to beat the shit out of him. When he was finished Ichigo said in a dangerously calm voice, "You can say what you want about me, but if you say anything about my family like this again…you will regret it."

Shiro was shocked when he saw what Renji went through, the berry was not one to be underestimated. Shiro was like Ichigo in that he looked a lot like the carrot top, as well as having traumatic experiences in his life, so he could relate to the teen. _I like 'em, _the albino thought, _he's definitely different from the others…and he will be mine. _Grimmjow could see the way the albino was staring after the red head, and to say he was pissed would be an understatement. _No one else is getting __**my **__berry_, the blunette thought angrily, only to get more upset when the two locked gazes. The smirk he got from the paler man infuriated him. Both males shared the same thought, _Ichigo's __**MINE**__! _They knew at that point that there was a battle for the berry's heart-that is if they were able to get past the icy layer of it first.

**-Meanwhile-**

"Wow, he lived through it," the silver haired male muttered, cutting open some man's throat. "What do you propose we do about this Aizen-sama?" the darker toned one questioned, shooting the man's wife and kids. "Well," the brunette smirked, appreciating that his subordinates could work and talk so calmly, "we could pay him a visit, what do you boys think?" Gin smiled and said, "I think tha's a wonderful idea! I was startin' to miss 'em." Tousen shook his head and said, "You just missed fucking him." Gin glanced at him and said, "Yeah, yer right, I did miss his tight lil' ass." Aizen chuckled and said, "It's settled, we'll go visit our dear Ichigo…"

**Angelchan2012: **Wow, so now we know not ta mess wit Ichi, right?

**Ichi: **Well in the story, but remember, I'm just acting

**Grimm: **Not another one with Shiro! *face palms*

**Shiro: **And what's wrong wit me in this story?

**Grimm: **Well, I just don't like havin' ta fight for Ichi that's all…

**Angelchan2012: **Who says Ichi's gonna get wit ya anyway?

**Grimm: **Isn't this story a GrimmIchi?

**Angelchan2012: **Crap…nevermind….

**Shiro: **This is gonna be good, I can tell *smirks*

**Angelchan2012: **Say the phrase guys!

**GrimmIchiShiro: **Please review and look out for the next chapter!

**Ichi: ***re-reads chapter* wait, Aizen's-

**Angelchan2012: ***covers Ichi's mouth* Shut up Ichi~! We don't want our bunnies to get ahead of the story!

**Shiro: ***glomps Angel* I love how yer so evil!

**Angelchan2012: **Aww thanks Shiro *hugs Shiro*

**Grimm: ***whispers to Ichi* should we be worried about those two?

**Ichi: **Hmm…probably, but let's not worry about it now, I really wanna know what's gonna happen in the story

***somewhere in the background Angel and Shiro are laughing evilly about the plot of the story***

**Ichi: **Okay, now we can worry


	4. Author's Note Please Read!

**Angelchan2012: **Okay, well I've kept the poll up on my bio for a while now and I'm closing it Sunday. I've seen the results so far and it says: 42% Grimm, 42% All Three, and 14% Shiro. So please vote my wonderful bunnies!

**Grimm:** Ya, cuz she won't update this story until ya vote and it comes to a result she can use!

**Shiro: **Ya, cuz a tie doesn't help!

**Ichi: **So please help us and vote!

**Angelchan & GrimmIchiShiro: **Thank you!


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